Kids – A Necessary Conversation

By Travis Caldwell

My fiance and I were recently on a road-trip. We had been driving along with the radio off, enjoying the scenery, and the silence for a few hours when out of the blue my she broke this silence with a BIG question, “Where are you at these days with having kids?”

I don’t know how long she had been thinking that before she asked, but it definitely caught me off guard. I chuckled and responded with a whitey, “that sounds like a loaded question” initially. But, she reminded me that we’re getting married soon and she’s about to finish up grad school, so with two major life changing events coming up that it was a good time to check in with each other on the topic. And, she added, that we hadn’t talked about it in a long time. She was totally right. It was a great time in our lives to have conversation and since we still had about 8 hours of driving that day, there really was no better opportunity.

After establishing that neither of us felt ready for the responsibility of children, or for the focus of our lives to change yet, the conversation continued on into new details about the topic that we had never discussed before. For the first time we talked about how we could finally understand why people have children and the need for starting a family of your own.

Additional considerations that we discussed were: And so we got talking.

Where would we live? i.e. wWould we stay in Colorado or move closer to family that lives out of state?

Would we be open to adoption? (We discussed this topic for a long time)

How many kids would we want?

What kind of life would we want for our kid(s)?

How would we handle difficult parenting situation?

What about us?

Our relationship?

Our personal passions?

I’m really happy she brought it up, because it become a conversation about more than just an opinion on kids, and more about us and our life together. I don’t know if we will ever decide to have children, but this was the first time we’ve talked about the possibility without both of us both saying “absolutely not,” or “never!” Where we decided to leave the conversation was that it’s not the right time for us, but that in 2, 3, 4, or 5 years… who knows, and that if we’re 40 and still not sure then we might just want to admit we’re not interested in having kids!